Some Do's and Dont’s for Wedding Speeches - from a Marriage Celebrant and Wedding DJ
In the over 4 years since I've been a marriage celebrant and wedding DJ & MC, I've heard a LOT of wedding speeches, and in the process I think I've developed a pretty solid feel for the difference between guests hanging on your every word or waiting in quiet desperation for you to finally stop talking! I'm in the process of writing a comprehensive guide to killer wedding speeches but in the meantime, he's a list of do's and dont’s for when it’s your turn to get on the mic.
DO: be yourself and play to your strengths
If you're funny and you know it, well, you know it. If the newlyweds know you for being sincere, heartfelt, and open, that's what the tone of your speech should be. Don’t feel like you've got to transform into Dave Chappelle (or even a professional marriage celebrant and wedding DJ & MC) for 5 minutes to nail your wedding speech. But if you've got a history of getting laughs by all means, go for it!
DON'T: Google "jokes for wedding speeches"
Opening with a joke isn't the worst idea - but if you found it by Googling the above or anything like it, for the love of God don't open your speech with it. Or have it anywhere in your speech for that matter. There's a few offenders in this category, but here's the three I've heard the most often in my time as a marriage celebrant and wedding DJ & MC:
"(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers. Now, remember this moment and cherish it... because this will be the last time you'll ever have the upper hand!"
"The couple actually had a bit of trouble finding someone to make a speech today. They started by asking their funniest friend, and they said no. Then they asked their most charming friend, and they said no. After that, they asked their best-looking friend and, again, they said no. Then they asked me, and, after already turning them down three times, I couldn't refuse again."
""Where do I start with [Name]? They're kind, intelligent, gorgeous, charming... [directed at them] sorry, I'm having trouble reading your writing, you'll have to tell me the rest later."
Yes, these can be kinda funny if you've never heard them before, but trust me - there's a good chance most of the guests have.
DO: start early!
Start some notes around 6 months before the wedding - think of funny stories involving the bride & groom, what you love about each of them as people, what you love about their relationship, how it makes you think and feel, anything like this. You don't have to actually write the speech this early, just give yourself plenty of time to make note of all the juicy material, so when you sit down to write the speech a few weeks out from the wedding, you'll have more than enough to work with.
DON'T: assume you can 'wing it'
If you're reading this, you're probably not considering delivering the whole speech off-the-cuff. But just in case, consider yourself warned! If you've got what it takes to wing a wedding speech, this just means you'll absolutely crush it by going off well-prepared notes and leaving a little room for ad-libs. If you're worried that preparing your speech word-for-word will make it sound too robotic, write your speech in bullet points instead of complete sentences - but practice alone a few times first! In all my time as a marriage celebrant and wedding DJ & MC, I've never seen someone do better at wedding speeches than the "well-prepared ad-libber".
DO: print your speech onto hand-sized note cards, which is to say…
DON'T: print it on an A4 sheet, or worse still, read it from your phone!
I know what you're thinking here - "what's wrong with using your phone? I've seen that at weddings before, it's fine!"
Honestly, it doesn't look good no matter how many people do it. A phone is the most everyday thing in the world and most of us can barely keep them out of our hands for 5 consecutive minutes, which is why as a marriage celebrant I remind everyone to put them away before the ceremony. So when you're holding one while you give a speech on the most significant day for two of your closest friends, it can't help but suck just a little of the "wedding-ness" from the moment. It doesn't look good in person, it looks bad in photos, and even worse on video. So just get those note cards! You'll thank yourself when the time comes, trust me.
DO: hold the microphone close to your mouth. Real close.
As someone who's been a wedding DJ & MC for well over a hundred weddings, let me assure you there's a limit to what just turning up the microphone can achieve. At a certain point, there's gonna be feedback, and that's an interruption you really don't need. You don't have to speak abnormally loudly, as long as that mic is nice and close, the DJ can do the rest. But if you're a bit of a loud-talker and you hear distortion, pull it away just a little! All microphones have a limit on how much incoming noise they can handle without clipping.
DON'T: "work the room" without talking to the videographer beforehand
You've got your speech cards ready, you've got the exact right number of drinks in your system (for the curious, that number is 2), and you're feeling confident - why not grab that wireless mic and go for a little walk? Not a bad idea, but if the wedding has a videographer, they'll have lights and cameras set up to capture the speeches from one location. If you think your speech is going to work better on the go, let the videographer know as soon as you see them and they'll let you know if they can make it work!
DO: a callback
What's a "callback"? It's a technique used in comedy that you'll likely be familiar with - you make a joke early in your speech then, later in the speech (the later the better), you bring a seemingly unrelated point back around to that original joke. This is a surefire way to use a classic, time-tested backbone of being funny without googling a specific joke and sounding like a total hack. I do this all the time as a marriage celebrant, and even sometimes as a wedding DJ & MC, here's an example - this was right at the beginning of Anna and Jamie's ceremony from March:
"One of the biggest hidden advantages of being a marriage celebrant is all the free relationship advice great couples will inadvertently give you. Perhaps my favourite piece of advice from Anna was “James, please don’t play Celine Dion at our wedding.”
After this, I went full marriage celebrant, got a little sentimental for a while and talked about what makes their relationship so great as I moved into their engagement story, and by this point, everyone's forgotten about my Celine Dion joke. But then, right at the end of it, I bring Celine back:
"Little did she know that Jamie had been secretly navigating the difficulties of obtaining a custom-designed engagement ring in the depths of Melbourne lockdown.
But Jamie loves an adventure as much as he loves a challenge, and with the wind of Anna’s love at his back, reminiscent of Jack's tight embrace of Rose on the bow of the Titanic as Celine Dion blasts powerfully overhead, there was nothing he couldn’t achieve. Ring obtained, engagement secured. The Power of Love."
As long as the callback reference is relevant, it'll work!
DON'T: ignore the importance of structure
A good speech is a story, and every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end - which isn't to say your story should start with the day you met the bride & groom! Think of how many great movies start with a huge scene from something that actually happens way later in the timeline - it piques your interest, has you wondering how the characters got to that point, and has you looking forward to finding out. You can do this with your speech too! Rather than opening with how you met the bride and/or groom, tell your favourite story about the couple, or a fun fact about them that might surprise people. An unpredictable opening commands attention and stops people from drifting off by the time you've gotten to the sentimental stuff!
That's all for now, but keep an eye out here and on my instagram for my comprehensive speech writing and MC guide!
